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Let me explain how Dan/Serena made me feel in season 1 using a handy little chart I like to call ~ALEXANDRA'S CHART OF SHIPS~*:

BUT THIS SEASON:

The change is largely due to a phenomenon the world knows as JUDGEMENTAL DAN. Or, more specifically, hypocritical manwhorey and yet still judgemental Dan. UGH, at the beginning of last week's episode when he accused Serena of the lunch-date ruining antics I wanted to punch him through my computer screen, BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, DANIEL, you spent a year knowing her and loving her and you know that shit is Blair. In fact, if I wanted to pick a reason (besides crappy writing) for this stupid, ridiculous ~*real*~ Serena that patronizes people with headscarves, it would be Dan Humphrey and his perennial inability to separate Serena from ~*Serena*~. Literally everyone else does it too, but he, of all of them, should know better. (But really, why am I making lame excuses for Schwartz's second such second season slump? AND WHY IS ALLITERATION SO WONDERFUL? And when I decide ~* was a legitimate way to make a point?)

BUT ANYWAY, LAST NIGHT--
1. The Charlie Trout stuff should have been the (HILARIOUS AND DELIGHTFUL!!!!) first step on Dan's long road to being a less judgemental person, instead it became a way to further woobify Chuck Bass. ...BUT STILL, HILARIOUS.
2. Of course the times when Serena is being most considerate of Blair's feelings Blair has no idea. OH, TV.
3. Blair's bitchy reactions to her perceived victimization are getting RIDICULOUS.
4. At least Serena was slightly less possessed. Ugh, show, why are you doing this to me?
5. UGH, JENNY. Go to school, you are fifteen.

*THE NICE THING ABOUT ~ALEXANDRA'S CHART OF SHIPS~ is that it is not necessarily about quality, it is a very personal, subjective thing based on how much fictional characters delight me. Although I'd like to think I have some internal quality that attracts me to quality things. ...unfortunately I am addicted to crap. BUT YOU KNOW.

Sidenotes--
1. I have Californication sitting on my computer BUT ZERO MOTIVATION TO WATCH IT. Even though I have CKR calling Duchovny rapey to look forward to.
2. LORDY I'M FEELING RECULSIVE TODAY. I think in the future I need to consider making less social friends? The amount of time my friends and family want to spend in the company of other people baffles me.
3. I can't decide if this serenitybyjan.com testimonial was penned by a crazy fan or a writer trying to tell us our girl Filippelli is happy now:

My husband and I light up the "Hunter Green" candle every night and it makes us feel young again! We make sweet passionate love to the smell of the candle. I make my boy a man every night!

- Karen F.

But either way, these silly web stuff the Office does!!! THANK YOU, SHOW.
4. ALL I EVER DO ANYMORE IS READ FRENCH LITERATURE :'( I am never taking two such similar classes in the same semester EVER AGAIN.

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~ALEXANDRA'S CHART OF SHIPS~ may just be the best thing ever created. Ever, ever.

I SECOND THIS.

Also: I had the same problem about getting pumped to see Californication! I've had both episodes on my computer forever but just...Haven't mustered the excitement. Until last night when I basically watched 2x01 as a last ditch procrastination effort. LOL 'TWAS (did I put the apostrophe in the right place there?) QUITE GOOD. I kind of already miss the old Hank endlessly pining after Karen dynamic though? But it's still good and hilarious! And hooo boy, Duchovny is way too pretty for an old dude. BUT IT'S SO WEIRD/AWKWARD/ICKY TO WATCH IT KNOWING THE SEX ADDICTION STUFF? IDK.

THIS COMMENT = ME ENTIRELY. Except I haven't even yet downloaded it. I can't be bothered? AND I REALLY LOVED IT LAST YEAR, so idek what's up with me.

BUT YES, it is sort of icky? I think that is the perfect word.

BUT AGAIN, THAT CHART OF SHIPS IS REALLY REALLY EXCELLENT. I haven't even bothered to watch GG S2, again, I don't know why, because I enjoyed S1. I'm obviously very paranoid about things that I loved being ruined.

SEE I ONLY HALF-LOVED IT LAST YEAR. It took me forever to get around to finishing the season, in the end I only did because my friend wanted to and I was there and we were bored, yadayadayada. I just... reaaaaaally dislike Karen.

YOU SHOULDN'T. Season two is not the same.

I have to admit I didn't like the second half as much. After Hank and Karen had sex it wasn't as great to me. But I still really liked it! But I just have ... no desire to right now. D:

OKAY. I won't then.

BUT IT'S SO WEIRD/AWKWARD/ICKY TO WATCH IT KNOWING THE SEX ADDICTION STUFF?
I KNOOOOOOOOOOW. There is suddenly WAY TOO MUCH BLURRING of the line between fiction and reality? (Although good god, HOW MANY TIMES has Duchovny played sex-addicted characters? Hank, Tom in... that movie with Julianne Moore, and even kind of Mulder? Although he doesn't seem that into his porn? There's some weird art imitating life imitating art cycle going on AND IT'S KIND OF CREEPY.)

Uck, eventually I'll get around to it.

Can I just say: OMG I KNOW!? When I found out I was like ... um, Trust the Man, Californication, and Mulder's porn habit? Plus, wasn't he also in some softcore movie, too? It kind of creeped me out.

OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT RED SHOE DIARIES even though I've seen it? When my two bffs and I turned 18 in 2007 we all had a ~scandalous~ way to do it-- in January Vivian was (David Duchovny) porn, in May Meredith was a hookah bar, and in October for me we did clubbing.

ANYWAY at the time we were loling because David was literally the ONLY person in the entire thing who did not have a graphic sex scene -- his part was sort of like... a narrator? Not actually a narrator, but after his fiance slept with someone else and killed herself, he wanted to ~get to the bottom of women's desires~ and so he put a newspaper ad asking women to mail him letters about their desire and so he sort of bookends the stories and says "HUH, THAT'S INTERESTING, DOG, DON'T YOU THINK?". BUT OHMYGOD, SUDDENLY, WITH THE SEX ADDICTION, THAT IS SUPER CREEPY. I mean, geeeez.

KIND OF REALLY CREEPY. I think the moral of the story is that he's always been sex addicted. NOT THAT ANY OF THIS MATTERS TO ME, but like you said-- the life imitating art or vice versa cycle just makes it so much more a part of his viewers' lives too? IN A WEIRD WAY?

Oh and also, my other gripe with the show? So I get that like the whole LA scene/Southern California culture is ~so different~ from the rest of the country, but so much of what happens in that show is so ridiculous and feels like it's done for sheer shock value. I hate that! It kind of gets to why I appreciate regular comedies that are really hysterical more than cable comedies because they can't resort to mindless sex and graphic things, all they can really do is create strong characters and hilarious stories, you know?

Yeah it's like-- as much as this shit should be private, David Duchovny + sex is pretty much EMBLAZONED across our screens. IT IS UNAVOIDABLE. (ALTHOUGH TBH-- I am still kind of in the stage where every time I am reminded of it I actually literally crack up. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME, IT'S BEEN LIKE A MONTH.)

I was just thinking the other day about HOW SICK I AM of shows about LA/rich people/glamorous stuff. Like, seriously, HOW MANY TIMES can you do that story over? Are we all actually so fascinated by rich people that we need it on four channels at once? But yeah. Californication can be entertaining, but it's not exactly my cup of tea.

BECAUSE IT'S HILARIOUS. Particularly how people are making it into this really really somber and serious thing. Like, EVERYONE PLEASE GIVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE AS DAVID DUCHOVNY GETS THROUGH HIS HORRIBLY DIFFICULT SEX ADDICTION. Because life's real hard when you're really hot and are constantly having sex with your really hot wife and (fake?) sex with your really hot co-stars? (Fifty bucks says D's G's babydaddy, haaaaaaaaaaa) IT MAKES ME LOL.

AND I AGREE. I enjoy Californication, but I think more often than not it leaves me feeling gross and sad that people like these characters may actually exist in the world? I think that's probably why I take more comfort in saying that they're completely unrealistic. Plus they all just feel like some dude's gigantic LA fantasy. Even the female characters who attempt to assert themselves as like, strong female figures in funny ridiculous ways...They have such an air of vague...Not-quite-misogyny? I don't know how to describe it.

Edited 2008-10-01 05:11 (UTC)

more often than not it leaves me feeling gross and sad that people like these characters may actually exist in the world

YES ME TOO (SORRY FOR JUMPING INTO YOUR CONVERSATION A DAY LATE).

Even the female characters who attempt to assert themselves as like, strong female figures in funny ridiculous ways...They have such an air of vague...Not-quite-misogyny?

I also agree with this! I find a lot of things about the show problematic. I mean, I enjoy it, but not on all levels.

DON'T APOLOGIZE, YOU KNOW I LOVE THAT SHIT. The female character thing reeeeeally started getting to me as I was finishing season one, I'm interested in seeing how that changes this time around. I think it's a really well-done show, but there are a bunch of aspects of it that just get under my skin. It feels sometimes like it's trying to convince me that this is what real life's like, rather than being say, a satire about that scene in LA. I guess I'd just like to believe it's not realistic because, like I said, to think that people like this exist DEPRESSES ME SO MUCH.

YOU SPEAK NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, but I feel like enough time has passed that I should be past "" and onto "oh right! David Duchovny's a sex addict! Hee." ...or something.

Plus they all just feel like some dude's gigantic LA fantasy.
YES! And it's weird because the way the people who do the show justify the show is by saying it's not glorifying his sexcapades, but even though it's about the ~seedy underbelly~ of living such an oversexed, gluttonous LA life... there's still that teeny hint of fantasy that just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

And yeah, it's definitely not-quite-misogynistic. As

veils might say, it's not so much that they actively hate women as it is that they're unwitting tools of a patriarchy?

it's not so much that they actively hate women as it is that they're unwitting tools of a patriarchy
THAT'S EXACTLY IT, YOU JUST HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD.

I AM SO GLAD YOU THINK SO, because erasing around those heads took the better part of an hour I could have spent doing actual things :(

That chart is, like, the GREATEST thing I have ever seen.

VISUAL AIDS MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER, Y/Y?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH LIZ LEMON'S HAIR, ALEXANDRA?

1. RANDOMLY: one of the lecturers interviewing me yesterday LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE CKR! Well, not exactly, but they were similar.
2. I'm so reclusive today that I haven't even been on the internet until now. Though, me and Porky did go for a ride and I have been spending time with the Bluth family (I bought season one on dvd! Jason Bateman can have sex with me any time he wants! Lindsay's lack of worry for the immorality of incest amuses me a lot! LOL GOB!)
3. That is possibly the scariest thing I've ever read :/

HELLO, BB! ILU :D

THERE WAS A SHOULDER I HAD TO ERASE :(

You know what we never did, Sam? WE NEVER CAME UP WITH A MAP.

1. I have a bizarre inability to remember what CKR looks like, no matter how many times I see him.
2. TWO OF A KIND. And you: trying to make me watch AD, y/y?
3. LOLOLOLOL, you don't have enough background Office information to understand what I'm getting at :(

I LOVE YOU TOO! HOW ARE YOU! WE DIDN'T TALK YESTERDAY :(

We didn't! At some point we should remedy that.

I MIGHT BE TRYING TO MAKE YOU WATCH AD. It's really enjoyable though, bb! Better than Gossip Girl and Dan being a wanky judgementalface.

Not really, no :(

I'm okay! I think my interview went okay, too! And I talked to a cute boy that is technically my competition but...:D! And I did a really great impression of an ~Auckland driver~ (i.e. I pissed several people off :D) aaaand today has been really great because I haven't had to do much! HOW ABOUT YOU!

We should! Too bad we suck at creativity.

Y, I know I'll love it. Everyone loves it. It is universally loved. I don't know why I haven't gotten around to it yet. PROBABALY BECAUSE I'M A LAMER.

OH GOOD! I hope you both get in!!! Because that would be wonderful. AND I'M OKAY! Today I... went to my lab even though I reaaaaaaaally didn't want to do anything but lie in bed and read. So I went to my lab and then came back and finished two books. IT WAS NICE.

That is the best thing ever. The. Best. Especially because Dan looks like a bat.

Dan = Failure.

Charlie Trout? Can he be anymore lame? No.

I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE LEFT DAN HIS UGLY DOGGETT EARS ON PURPOSE.

But no! He cannot. I seriously do not understand how he could write five distinct short stories about ~his issues with Serena~.

I LIKE YOUR CHART A LOT. EXCEPT I DISAGREE WITH TIM/LYLA. I LIKE THEM. :( ALSO MARSHALL AND LILY ARE RIGHT UP THERE AT #2 FOR ME.

I have broken up with Gossip Girl. I don't have any more room for Monday shows and why would I put up with that when I can watch Chuck, which is 100% wonderful and delightful, and SCC, which has robots with identity crises, and HIMYM, which has MARSHALL AND LILY. AND BARNEY. AND ROBIN. And, unfortunately, Marshall's terrible hair.

WELL I'M SURE ~CATHERINE'S CHART OF SHIPS~ WOULD USE A DIFFERENT SET OF UNITS.

You are a smarter person than I, in that way. I luckily don't have SCC, so... for now I can deal with the three there are? But if GG gets much crappier, I AM JUMPING SHIP. I have spent TOO MUCH OF MY LIFE hanging onto the bitter hope that Josh Schwartz shows will get better again.

Dude I did not even watch Gossip Girl last night. I AM NO LONGER WATCHING MY FAVORITE SHOW??? It hurts me.

In fact, if I wanted to pick a reason (besides crappy writing) for this stupid, ridiculous ~*real*~ Serena that patronizes people with headscarves, it would be Dan Humphrey and his perennial inability to separate Serena from ~*Serena*~. Literally everyone else does it too, but he, of all of them, should know better.
Exactly. But yeah, then I think why am I trying to explain a show that clearly values exploitation of both character and (more importantly and sadly) audience over any sort of quality or continuity. Even though we're not supposed to be taking this show seriously, I WANT to take it seriously. I want to take my TV seriously and I don't want to have to apologize for it, and it sucks that the American TV system is seemingly set up so that there are clear cut rules for how one should respond to a show depending on its target audience. What are we doing to our teenage girls. Bring back the nice people.

What a horrible feeling! I almost didn't download last weeks' because of your post and the couple others that popped up, but apparently I'm some kind of glutton for punishment.

Even though we're not supposed to be taking this show seriously, I WANT to take it seriously. I want to take my TV seriously and I don't want to have to apologize for it, and it sucks that the American TV system is seemingly set up so that there are clear cut rules for how one should respond to a show depending on its target audience.
This is EXACTLY how I feel. It sucks that on the rare occasion a good show like, I don't know, FNL can get and keep itself on the air they have to resort to lame dramatics for audience retention, and it sucks that fun shows like Gossip Girl and Bones are so willing to throw out the integrity of characterization for a more dramatic plotline. And it sucks that good shows are dragged out past their prime. I just wish there was a way to separate it all from the moneymaking game! But you're so right about teenage girls-- the pedestal Gossip Girl fandom puts Blair Waldorf on is kind of scary. It's not that she's not an interesting character, but she's not someone anyone should aspire to be.

That chart is amazing. It should become like a meme or something.

And IA so hard about Dan. Srsly, what the hell? He was my GG boyfriend last year, but now I wanna slap him so hard. Blair too. Almost ruining your mother's career because of all that petty shit? FLAMES. FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE.

And I see myself having a Californication marathon 2 months from now or so. Or when I can finally look at a DD picture without having SEX ADDICT! SEX ADDICT! flashing on my mind.

I WOULD ENJOY SEEING EVERYONE ELSE'S SHIP CHARTS FOR SURE>

AGREED X1000000, obviously. Like, he was always judgemental but now it's just... what an ass. And yeah, Blair needs to GROW UP.

AHAHAHAHAHA. Um. I think watching Californication will just make it all come flooding back.

I love your chart. :DDD
But for me, Dan and Serena have always been blah from day one. D:

You and a lot of other people, really! I don't know why them & their grinny faces make me so happy while so many others haaaate them.

The amount of time my friends and family want to spend in the company of other people baffles me.

WORD, sister. It baffles me all the time. I don't know when and why this happened but I now prefer to spend like 90% of my day alone, if at all possible.

LOL @ chart! ahahaha Ryan and Marissa, man, that was a horrible thing. for Ryan, mostly.
oh but the last three couples all continue to delight. *nods*

SERIOUSLY, how the hell did Ryan put up with her for... three years??? That's a hell of a savoir complex to keep him with her for all that time.

I thought I might be weirded out about the DD sex scandal thing watching Californication, but I wasn't. 2x02 is HILARIOUS.

Oh I'm glad it didn't interfere with your viewing! Hopefully it won't mess with mine either, then.

I feel like I really want to order some Serenity by Jan candles, even though I bet they smell just awful!

THE BLUE JEANS ONES, J. I want blue jeans candles.

OMG I AM DYING AT YOUR SHIP-METER. DYING.

2. SAME. i dont GET people who are constantly social.

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