elapses | (no subject)

Let me explain how Dan/Serena made me feel in season 1 using a handy little chart I like to call ~ALEXANDRA'S CHART OF SHIPS~*:

BUT THIS SEASON:

The change is largely due to a phenomenon the world knows as JUDGEMENTAL DAN. Or, more specifically, hypocritical manwhorey and yet still judgemental Dan. UGH, at the beginning of last week's episode when he accused Serena of the lunch-date ruining antics I wanted to punch him through my computer screen, BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, DANIEL, you spent a year knowing her and loving her and you know that shit is Blair. In fact, if I wanted to pick a reason (besides crappy writing) for this stupid, ridiculous ~*real*~ Serena that patronizes people with headscarves, it would be Dan Humphrey and his perennial inability to separate Serena from ~*Serena*~. Literally everyone else does it too, but he, of all of them, should know better. (But really, why am I making lame excuses for Schwartz's second such second season slump? AND WHY IS ALLITERATION SO WONDERFUL? And when I decide ~* was a legitimate way to make a point?)

BUT ANYWAY, LAST NIGHT--
1. The Charlie Trout stuff should have been the (HILARIOUS AND DELIGHTFUL!!!!) first step on Dan's long road to being a less judgemental person, instead it became a way to further woobify Chuck Bass. ...BUT STILL, HILARIOUS.
2. Of course the times when Serena is being most considerate of Blair's feelings Blair has no idea. OH, TV.
3. Blair's bitchy reactions to her perceived victimization are getting RIDICULOUS.
4. At least Serena was slightly less possessed. Ugh, show, why are you doing this to me?
5. UGH, JENNY. Go to school, you are fifteen.

*THE NICE THING ABOUT ~ALEXANDRA'S CHART OF SHIPS~ is that it is not necessarily about quality, it is a very personal, subjective thing based on how much fictional characters delight me. Although I'd like to think I have some internal quality that attracts me to quality things. ...unfortunately I am addicted to crap. BUT YOU KNOW.

Sidenotes--
1. I have Californication sitting on my computer BUT ZERO MOTIVATION TO WATCH IT. Even though I have CKR calling Duchovny rapey to look forward to.
2. LORDY I'M FEELING RECULSIVE TODAY. I think in the future I need to consider making less social friends? The amount of time my friends and family want to spend in the company of other people baffles me.
3. I can't decide if this serenitybyjan.com testimonial was penned by a crazy fan or a writer trying to tell us our girl Filippelli is happy now:

My husband and I light up the "Hunter Green" candle every night and it makes us feel young again! We make sweet passionate love to the smell of the candle. I make my boy a man every night!

- Karen F.

But either way, these silly web stuff the Office does!!! THANK YOU, SHOW.
4. ALL I EVER DO ANYMORE IS READ FRENCH LITERATURE :'( I am never taking two such similar classes in the same semester EVER AGAIN.

Threaded | Flat

~ALEXANDRA'S CHART OF SHIPS~ may just be the best thing ever created. Ever, ever.

That chart is, like, the GREATEST thing I have ever seen.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH LIZ LEMON'S HAIR, ALEXANDRA?

1. RANDOMLY: one of the lecturers interviewing me yesterday LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE CKR! Well, not exactly, but they were similar.
2. I'm so reclusive today that I haven't even been on the internet until now. Though, me and Porky did go for a ride and I have been spending time with the Bluth family (I bought season one on dvd! Jason Bateman can have sex with me any time he wants! Lindsay's lack of worry for the immorality of incest amuses me a lot! LOL GOB!)
3. That is possibly the scariest thing I've ever read :/

HELLO, BB! ILU :D

That is the best thing ever. The. Best. Especially because Dan looks like a bat.

Dan = Failure.

Charlie Trout? Can he be anymore lame? No.

I LIKE YOUR CHART A LOT. EXCEPT I DISAGREE WITH TIM/LYLA. I LIKE THEM. :( ALSO MARSHALL AND LILY ARE RIGHT UP THERE AT #2 FOR ME.

I have broken up with Gossip Girl. I don't have any more room for Monday shows and why would I put up with that when I can watch Chuck, which is 100% wonderful and delightful, and SCC, which has robots with identity crises, and HIMYM, which has MARSHALL AND LILY. AND BARNEY. AND ROBIN. And, unfortunately, Marshall's terrible hair.

Dude I did not even watch Gossip Girl last night. I AM NO LONGER WATCHING MY FAVORITE SHOW??? It hurts me.

In fact, if I wanted to pick a reason (besides crappy writing) for this stupid, ridiculous ~*real*~ Serena that patronizes people with headscarves, it would be Dan Humphrey and his perennial inability to separate Serena from ~*Serena*~. Literally everyone else does it too, but he, of all of them, should know better.
Exactly. But yeah, then I think why am I trying to explain a show that clearly values exploitation of both character and (more importantly and sadly) audience over any sort of quality or continuity. Even though we're not supposed to be taking this show seriously, I WANT to take it seriously. I want to take my TV seriously and I don't want to have to apologize for it, and it sucks that the American TV system is seemingly set up so that there are clear cut rules for how one should respond to a show depending on its target audience. What are we doing to our teenage girls. Bring back the nice people.

That chart is amazing. It should become like a meme or something.

And IA so hard about Dan. Srsly, what the hell? He was my GG boyfriend last year, but now I wanna slap him so hard. Blair too. Almost ruining your mother's career because of all that petty shit? FLAMES. FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE.

And I see myself having a Californication marathon 2 months from now or so. Or when I can finally look at a DD picture without having SEX ADDICT! SEX ADDICT! flashing on my mind.

I love your chart. :DDD
But for me, Dan and Serena have always been blah from day one. D:

The amount of time my friends and family want to spend in the company of other people baffles me.

WORD, sister. It baffles me all the time. I don't know when and why this happened but I now prefer to spend like 90% of my day alone, if at all possible.

LOL @ chart! ahahaha Ryan and Marissa, man, that was a horrible thing. for Ryan, mostly.
oh but the last three couples all continue to delight. *nods*

I thought I might be weirded out about the DD sex scandal thing watching Californication, but I wasn't. 2x02 is HILARIOUS.

I feel like I really want to order some Serenity by Jan candles, even though I bet they smell just awful!

OMG I AM DYING AT YOUR SHIP-METER. DYING.

2. SAME. i dont GET people who are constantly social.