I never felt that way either, growing up! I didn't even think about it. But I think you're right about the media targeting younger girls: teenage girls are huge consumers of media and anyone who produces this stuff would be stupid to overlook that demographic. So maybe the problem is that once we're twenty-something or thirty-something, the higher-ups have no interest in catering to us specifically anymore because it's more profitable to put out something that will appeal to both men and women. And a gun-toting, ass-kicking, stoic woman usually does that (if she's hot). They're a dime a dozen now, especially in action movies and bad procedurals. And I love some (a lot!) of those characters and I am so glad they are part of media, but they are not everything and they should not be all we see. (Also of course Sydney Bristow fits the general mold but one of my favorite things about her is that when her life is a wreck and she feels sad and betrayed, she cries about it, but that doesn't take away from the fact that she is strong and steely and good at what she does.)

But yes you are so right, there are some really amazing ones. Pam is (was, really) the most perfect example because she is so regular and plain and imperfect and... I love that I can use those adjectives to describe why and how much I love her, rather than just saying she was "flawless". Because she wasn't a nuclear physicist and she didn't always feel like bothering to do her hair, but she still learned and grew and it was fabulous. Hopefully more and more writers and showrunners and producers will be able to see how all of the shows you mentioned worked in that respect and more of them will try to imitate them in that way. But Bridesmaids is almost a bigger deal because it is so very public in a way those shows haven't always been, so it can act as a trendsetter. Hopefully, anyway!