I would not decline an offer from either of them were they to procure a date from me. Can a date be procured for someone? Let's just say for the sake of my grammar ego that it can.

I guess I just get weird about the word!
I think you have a right to! It is, as you said, tricky and messy.

Haha, I tried! Some of them, I just couldn't change. And it's both autobiographical and definitely not, as I don't go out to clubs and sip Bacardi, although I'm sure if I were to do so, I would feel intimidated and extremely uncomfortable by all the "'boobs out' ladies." Feel free to sing it out loud; I won't ask for royalties (can you tell I don't know how music licensing works?)

Aah, it's so late! To bed, to bed. I've very much enjoyed these late night conversations we've been having, Alex! Good times.